- an envious heart - they want what others have
- a competitive heart - they want to supass others' achievements
- a debating heart - they want things to work in their way
- a heart that desires for recognition - if rejected or not recognised, they feel 'unsettled'; or they give up what they have in accordance to the Bible because they hope for others' recognition and appreciation
- a mindset that they deserve something - they deserve (or it is normal to have) what they possess now such as money, time, properties, beauty; and they use the resources for their own good
Oh God (and I do mean it!) - I used to have an envious heart upon my sister, a competitive heart upon my academic studies, but they have been tamed by you when I recognised that you have made me unique. But my heart still sometimes seek for recognition, I want to be an inspiring person and I want to live a "meaningful" life that people look up to. And I would take my time for granted to entertain myself, and take my parents' money for granted to shop for things that are not necessary. I forgot that all I need is YOUR recognition, and all the resources I have, even time, are YOURS! Resources should be used to honour YOU but not myself... Submitting fully myself to you is hard, but I can see the great reward beyond - I gain real freedom when I'm on earth, and need not be held back by different desires of myself; and I gain something I don't know but sure about its existence when I go to heaven. Nothing is more real than the truth, because everything fades except the truth.
Lord God, please help me to give up my own autonomy of myself, and let your Spirit lives within me and lives out in me. I'm not sure if I have enough courage for this uneasy journey, but I pray for strength from you to be your daily disciple, and wisdom to see clearly what is the most important and what are perishable and therefore valueless. I pray that my heart will be continuously purified and softened in you, and be more and more close to you. Thank you Papa God for giving me this choice of not being stranded by my human flesh but following you. Amen.
**If you can read Chinese - this is the wall of COCM at Milton Keynes, a Christian centre where my fellowship always have retreat/revival camp in; words were cut out in papers and stuck onto the wall indeed! - in English:
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?
Little promotion:
16th Feb 2013 (Sat) 4pm
free entrance and free dinner
available in Cantonese at Soho Outreach Centre, Chinese Church in London