I had always doubted why You put me into this pageant, why I have attained the title Miss Friendship which is not in top 3 but good enough to participate in all titleholder events and enter the industry. This contest outcome is so precise that I have to but see it as a clue to Your great plan ahead.
During these days I had put myself into confusion to this new world of entertainment. I do not know how this place operates, who are trustworthy and not, how I should position and present myself, how I should interact with different parties... I experience strong loneliness when I feel that people start to judge me as a girl of the earth but no longer Your simple girl, or when people get excited about my career but would not understand my heart. The confusion and fear were translated into barriers in my relationships with people around me, as I found it hard to share and explain and ask for understanding from others. And at the centre of all the turmoil, why have you brought me into this? What is the thing You want me to do for You?
But I know I'm a blessed child. You actually sent messengers to communicate Your will! Holly, a sister, asked me out for lunch after the pageant. I thank You for this because You knew I needed You and You sent me Holly :). During lunch, she told me she saw Queen Esther in me (oh yes that was why I mentioned and explained the story of Esther in my previous post). I thought it was some kind of association she imagined so did not take it seriously. And on Saturday, a pastor who I do not have close relationship with told me she received a vision about me - it was Queen Esther again! She said that Esther was willing to be used by God courageously, even when pleasing the king was always a life-risking task. My tears really poured out, unstoppable even when I knew I would definitely get swollen eyes for the MsHK event the next day... I had never heard of Queen Esther before Holly introduced so, and I have to believe this is God's vision for me.
Slowly thinking back, I started to see how similar the entertainment industry is to "Africa", the place I thought I was asked to serve in. I have a feeling of being asked to be a channel here so Your loving water will flow through and nourish the dry land. When I talked to Jun last night about this, he reminded me of my upbringing, the family I am in and how it seems to have been designed to support my lifestyle in this industry. Everything seems right and long planned. The calling seems to be true and very clear.
Papa, You know me well that I am afraid of having created all these in my imagination. However since I am already in this industry and have no way back, I can only trust that You have a great great plan and that by always learning to humble myself and submit myself to You, You will provide all the power and strength and wisdom required for all the miraculous tasks we are going to accomplish. Still always awed by Your unexpectedness, excited about where You are bringing me to. Also help me keep the shadow on my back and my face to the light.
Thanks Papa! Amen!