Thanks for enlightening me. You spoke to me through Auntie Carol and during sermon. On Saturday Auntie Carol shared her thoughts about my literal sister and that she might be a person who needs great attention and care. I suddenly realised that it might be me who has ignored her and not given her enough attention throughout all these years. Whenever she called home, dad and mom would spend so much time talking to her, while I would only focus on my drama and neglect her. I do not speak much on phone, but I could have spent more effort on understanding what she is doing all day, and learning what she is going through in life. While she always likes to hold a different opinion from mine and would go so absolute about the truth of her views, I could have understood it as her way of trying to mend her puddles and work on the brokenness, instead of merely grasp attention from people or argue for the sake of arguing.
During sermon, I was reminded of the need to forgive others. I realised there had been unforgiveness in me for Jun, that I thought he deserved my anger for he shifted life stresses and blames on me when I might not be the root cause, and held double-standard towards himself and me. I lost the eye of God that I failed to see the frustration in him, and the pressure I did put on him. I did not have compassion for him, which made my life bitter, which also led to my avoidance of You thinking You should not interfere my anger.
Now You have made me see my sins. And I thank you. After sermon, I did go up to Jun and my sister to ask for their forgiveness. And now I ask You for Your forgiveness again, and to help me forgive myself for all the selfish deeds I did. Papa Lord and Your holy spirit, please help me in renewing my heart and soul, so I once again am able to love my closed ones and colleagues and friends every day.
For this I pray in the name of Jesus,
Amen.