The truth is, I have been walking away from God; or indeed, isolated from God even when He is just next to me. I could not feel His presence while doing devotion or praying. Could not remind myself of the passion for Him or for things He want me to do, such as caring for others or prioritising Him. I no longer know how to love or be loved, even in my relationship with Jun. And I have only been working hard to entertain my life, so I can have a cosy working community, a productive and smart working style, and a relaxing but kind of materialistic family life. Okay, the word "materialistic" sounds too negative. We simply enjoy our time together, but since reflecting and deep heart communication are not features of our family culture, our communication and topics of communication tend to be more physical, e.g. health and beauty and food and travel, like those of many families. My family has become an escape for me, so I can engage in relationship matters, and live out part of my priority, without reflecting too much or forcing myself to stay away from the world to re-figure out my own path.
I tried to pray to God to work on my situation. But my prayers were weak, not really wholehearted. And I began to pray for a more wholehearted and focus mind set to pray.
For the past few weeks, sermons have been soft wind that blew into me, but faded soon. And in fact, God's words and sermons are still soft wind that come over me but leave.
A person's will is embodied in the actions of the whole person. I cannot give up my will - I must exercise it, putting it into action. I must will to obey, and I must will to receive God's Spirit. When God gives me a vision of truth, there is never a question of what He will do, but only of what I will do. The Lord has been placing in front of each of us some big proposals and plans. The best thing to do is to remember what you did before when you were touched by God... Immediately recall those moments each time the Spirit of God brings some new proposal before you.
With every new proposal, the people around us seem to become more and more isolated, and that is where the tension develops. God allows the opinion of His people to matter to you, and yet you become less and less certain that theres really understand the step you are taking. You have no business trying to find out where God is leading - the only thing God will explain to you is Himself.
Openly declare to Him, "I will be faithful." But remember that as soon as you choose to be faithful to Jesus Christ, "You are witnesses against yourselves..." (Joshua 24:22). Don't consult with other Christians, but simply and freely declare before Him "I will serve You." Will to be faithful and give other people credit for being faithful too.
-- Utmost.org
I'll be so grateful if you could pray for me, and people who just entered working society and are struggling with their faith.
Love,
Your sister