I feel so bitter inside... Why am I so reliant and needy? I have always been an independent person, and now I'm scared of my need because I'm in love with an independent person. He always only cares about work, and seldom puts attention on me. I know he needs space to grow and understand this new world. But I'm so suffocated. I want to be able to withdraw from him and be well again alone. How much I hope I can fall in mad love with You so I can forget a flawed human... Why can't I???
And now I'm sick, mucus at my throat and I can't breathe properly and can't fall asleep... And all in my mind is how bitter and dull life is now, how much I hope I can regain passion in life. I am so tempted to be selfish, to deny my love for him, to even put myself on test to find my value and attractiveness in the market. I want to divert my mind to shopping, to beauty topics, but none of these catches my mind for long. I'm too obsessed in him, which has made me even more scared and insecure.
I used to say it's such a blessing to fall in love with someone or something so deep that you can forget yourself. But now I realise, before I can forget myself there, I must have found myself there. In the case of this relationship, I'm simply losing myself there.
Papa, what is the way out? What can I do? I feel so sad for myself that I desperately want to run out of this situation... Pls rescue me from this sea of bitterness. Pls protect me from doing evil or engaging in things that aren't designed for me. Pls help me find my way to You... No one could raise me but You... Lord pls tell me what to do...:(
Daughter