My sister (biological) signed me up for this. It was an interesting happening that she did not sign me up spontaneously but after careful consideration. Remember she once joined our bible study in London when we were back in uni? The study was on the guy who had an infirmity, who sat next to Bethesda Pool for 38 years, knowing that the pool could instantly heal but still was too lazy to move himself into the pool. He did not want to leave his comfort zone. My sister was overwhelmed by the story, and thought she wanted to step out of her comfort zone and put me out of mine as well - so she signed me up... HAHA.
I was called up by the organiser and learned that I joined the pageant. By then I was so confused as to whether to really go for it, as I had this stereotype of pageant girls in my mind and that the idea of pageant itself was unnecessary - I do not need anyone's approval to prove my own worth and beauty.
And then I heard a sermon on the shame everyone has in his heart. You may find yourself not good enough in working, socialising, your appearance and you just tend to put on camouflage to cover up your shame. While I say I understand my own value, and think I am good enough as a girl, people who know me would know that I had to wear on some kind of make up to get onto the street - I was not confident of my own face. God could be wanting to heal me by challenging me to show my face and body in front of society. I also had the feeling that I wanted to tell all girls how we can embrace our own features and that we really are good enough.
And another miracle happened. I had been having skin allergy (on my face) for quite some weeks. I told God I would not try the pageant unless my skin got healed one day before first interview. And my skin got healed that exact day.
Okay! Since God has led me into the pageant, I am excited where He is going to bring me to. So I gave it a go.
Since then there have been so many ups and downs spiritually, mentally and physically throughout the journey. I will share in separate posts later :) Yet in brief, my skin allergy kept coming up, and I kept getting ill but always on the days when we did not have calls (the symptoms would come up before I learned that we could have few days off... every time!). And while I was exhausted in all ways after months of trainings, my condition, even my dark eyes and body shape, was superb on the final!
Also, there were so many times when I dug my head into thinking how I was different compared to the others, that I fell into the trap of self centredness. And little happenings recalled my heart towards Him, and I learned so much on really LOVING your competitors when our interests were so directly inflicted and I might seem to be losing out. I also learned so much as of what the best mentality is - do I want to win? do I want God to fight the others for me? should I be the self that I have remembered myself being? or should I just be myself naturally without thinking? but would I slowly sink into what others are expecting of me by not always defining who I am?
Anyways, the whole journey has been super fruitful. I cannot say I am more confident of my appearance now, but all the spiritual and mental encounters were true. Seeing a darker and more realistic world, my faith, hope and love in God, as well as my self identity, are being brought to a more down-to-earth extent. Indeed, we titleholders will be signing the organiser to be artists soon. I am still doubting whether God has wanted the pageant to be an experience that stood alone or a beginning to a new lifestyle like that of Queen Esther, who won a pageant in ancient Persia and was loved by King Xerxus, and was used by God to save the Israelites. I am more inclined to go back to former life due to inertia but I do not want this to be the barrier to God's greater plan for sure. Do pray for me when you remember so! :) Thank you my bros and siss!